Make Me Laugh

Ok, these are NOT for everyone. They're jokes with a Jewish/ Buddhist viewpoint. I was born Jewish and remained so for the first 31 years of life, and then I became Buddhist for what is now 29 years of life. I don't know where these jokes came from, probably an email I received, but they tickle me. Of course, I can hear the heavy accent of my grandparents when I read them and that's what I find amusing.


Be here now. Be someplace else later. 
Is that so complicated?

Wherever you go, there you are. 
Your luggage is another story.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single oy.

The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. 
The Tao does not take sides.
The Tao has no expectations. 
The Tao demands nothing of others.
The Tao is not Jewish.

There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited.
And whose fault was that?

Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness.
 And then what do you have?
Bupkis.

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. 
Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be 
the least of your problems. 

Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. 
Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. 
Each blossom has ten thousand petals. 
You might want to see a specialist.

Accept misfortune as a blessing. 
Do not wish for perfect health, or a life without problems. 
What would you talk about?

Drink tea and nourish life; with the first sip, joy 
with the second sip, satisfaction;
with the third sip, peace; with the fourth, a Danish.

Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. 
Keep in mind that not every physical sensation 
is a symptom of a terminal illness.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud. 
Let your stillness be as a wooded glen. And sit up straight. 
You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.


The Torah says love your neighbor as yourself. 
The Buddha says there is no self.
So... maybe we're off the hook?